UTIN - Recovering Couples Anonymous

Wednesday 7:00 pm
Newman Center
170S University Ave.

We meet in room 307. Covered parking is available and can be accessed
from 200S by turning into the small street on the west side of the Newman Center. Take the elevator up to the third floor, where Room 307 is almost directly in front of the elevator.

Map of 170 S University Ave.

Recovering Couples Anonymous (RCA) is a 12-Step Fellowship founded in the Autumn of 1988. There are groups throbughout the United States, as well as worldwide. Although there is no organizational affiliation with Alcoholics Anonymous © , The 12 Steps, 12 Traditions and Principles are adapted from A.A.

The primary purpose of RCA is to help couples find freedom from dysfunctional patterns in relationships. By using the tools of the program, we take individual responsibility for the well-being of the relationship, build new joy, and find intimacy with each other.

We are couples committed to restoring healthy communication, caring and greater intimacy to our relationships. We suffer from many addictions and co-addictions; some identified and some not, some treated and some not. We also come from different levels of brokenness. Many of us have been separated or near divorce. Some of us are new in our relationships and seek to build intimacy as we grow together as couples.

A Vision for Two

Many couples have found in RCA the "missing link" in their personal and couple recovery. Most of them find that:

We no longer need to hide and medicate our feelings through our addictive/compulsive behavior. We can express our feelings. We are learning to ask for what we need, both individually and a couple. Being together brings us joy and happiness. Being sexual enhances our relationship (increases our intimacy).

Being alone and intimate with our partner is as safe as being with other people. When I really let my partner know what I've done or what I'm thinking (who I am), it increases our intimacy. It's met with acceptance. We are learning to face our problems and not to feel individually responsible for solving the problems we have as a couple. We believe we don't have to agree on everything. We believe we can have different interests and enjoy different things and enjoy being together. Being interdependent adds strength to the relationship. We don't have to be socially acceptable. We can play and have fun together.

We are learning to express our true feelings about larger issues, and we are learning to resolve conflict. We are learning to deal with conflict and to fight fairly. We are learning to accept our individual responsibility. We are recognizing and breaking the patterns of dysfunction from our families-of-origin. We accept our limitations as parents. We are proud of ourselves as a couple.

Characteristics of Functional and Dysfunctional Couples

Dysfunctional: Being together and unhappy is safer than being alone.
Functional: Being together brings us joy and happiness.

Dysfunctional: It is safer to be with other people than it is to be alone and intimate with our partner.
Functional: Being alone and intimate with our partner is as safe as being with other people.

Dysfunctional: If I really let my partner know what I've done or what I'm feeling and thinking (who I am), (s)he will leave me.
Functional: When I really let my partner know what I've done or what I'm thinking (who I am), it increases our intimacy. It's met with acceptance.

Dysfunctional: It is easier to hide (medicate) our feelings through addictive/compulsive behavior than it is to express them.
Functional: We no longer need to hide and medicate our feelings through our addictive/compulsive behavior. We can express our feelings.

Dysfunctional: Being enmeshed and totally dependent with each other is perceived as being in love.
Functional: Being interdependent adds strength to the relationship.

Dysfunctional: We find it difficult to ask for what we need, both individually and as a couple.
Functional: We are learning to ask for what we need, both individually and a couple.

Dysfunctional: Being sexual is equal to being intimate.
Functional: Being sexual enhances our relationship (increases our intimacy).

Dysfunctional: We either avoid our problems or feel we are individually responsible for solving the problems we have as a couple.
Functional: We are learning to face our problems and not to feel individually responsible for solving the problems we have as a couple.

Dysfunctional: We believe that we must agree on everything.
Functional: We believe we don't have to agree on everything.

Dysfunctional: We believe that we must enjoy the same things and have the same interests.
Functional: We believe we can have different interests and enjoy different things and enjoy being together.

Dysfunctional: We believe that to be a good couple we must be socially acceptable.
Functional: We don't have to be socially acceptable.

Dysfunctional: We have forgotten how to play together.
Functional: We can play and have fun together.

Dysfunctional: It is safer to get upset about little issues than to express our true feelings about larger ones.
Functional: We are learning to express our true feelings about larger issues, and we are learning to resolve conflict.

Dysfunctional: It is easier to blame our partners than it is to accept our own responsibility.
Functional: We are learning to accept our individual responsibility.

Dysfunctional: We deal with conflict by getting totally out of control or by not arguing at all.
Functional: We are learning to deal with conflict and to fight fairly.

Dysfunctional: We experience ourselves as inadequate parents.
Functional: We accept our limitations as parents.

Dysfunctional: We are ashamed of ourselves as a couple.
Functional: We are proud of ourselves as a couple.

Dysfunctional: We repeat patterns of dysfunction from our families-of-origin.
Functional: We are recognizing and breaking the patterns of dysfunction from our families-of-origin.

The Twelve Steps of Recovering Couples

1.	We admitted we were powerless over our relationship - that our lives together had become unmanageable.
2.	Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3.	Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God. .
4.	Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5.	Admitted to God, to our selves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6.	Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7.	Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8.	Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9.	Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10.	Continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11.	Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry it out.
12.	Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other couples, and to practice these principles in all aspects of our lives, our relationship, and our families.